“Every so often, Joseph and Maya have ‘Special Time’ with Grandpa. ‘Special Time,’ I have determined, is when a child spends time alone with an adult doing something the adult thinks the child will enjoy. In the past, â€...

“It was Grandpa’s idea to go to Esposito’s Ice Cream Emporium. Well, even extremely dull and evil people can have the occasional good idea, can’t they?” There are 28 flavors of ice cream at Esposito’s Ice Cream Empor...

“I began my morning with a good long sing perched on the curtain rod in Mother and Father’s bedroom. It’s a cheerful, sunny spot and so high up that no one ever notices the droppings I leave behind.” While Joseph and Maya are ...

“It was my favorite day of the year: Bring Your Pet to School Day. Most schools do not observe this particular holiday, which I personally believe should be made into a national event like the Fourth of July or Super Bowl Sunday or even Natio...

“Alas, it is true. Grandpa hates me. He has always hated me, even before I used his ear as a swing toy (his lobes are so long and flappy!). I can’t imagine why. I assume Grandpa hates me simply because I am the bird—and he is not.â...

“I waited three months at the pet store before choosing Joseph and Maya. Well, I wasn’t going to make my home with just anyone, was I? And I certainly was not going to live alone with a grown-up. No, no, I much prefer the company of chil...

“I am no fool. I knew that if I wanted to make it to the end of the week alive, I would have to avoid upsetting Grandpa as much as possible. No singing, no playful nips, no jaunty bell.” Bird and Grandpa stay home in Massachusetts while...