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Home > Biography > Entertainers > Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
by Norton, Jim
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Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
Jim Norton is a pervert in the truest sense of the word. The physical equivalent of a tall slug, he pays top dollar for massages with happy endings and is fascinated by shitty sitcoms and fat girls. He is also, at times, racially offensive and morally repugnant. He spares no one in his comedy -- least of all himself. Now, in this outrageous, blisteringly funny collection of essays, Norton tackles the topics that are near and dear to his heart: from public events like the legendary Voyeur Bus incident on the Opie and Anthony Show, which culminated in all involved being taken to jail, or seeking a hug from his childhood idol Gene Simmons, to deeply private moments, including a teenage Jim's embarrassing poetry-writing attempts while in rehab, and his inexpensive sexual experience with an unwashed MILF (a Monolith I'd Like to Forget). His stories are raw, searingly honest in their attention to detail, and most of all, hilarious. Filled with personal photos and nearly fifty candid and uncompromising essays, Happy Endings is one of a kind...and probably best read on an empty stomach.


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Title of ebook: Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
ISBN: 9781416565383
parent-ISBN: 9781416950226
Publisher: Simon Spotlight Entertainment
Internet download file size: 1497 kb
Published: 07-2007
Released online for download: 07-10-2007
Author of eBook: Norton, Jim
Foreword by: Quinn, Colin
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Happy Endings

The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch

Chapter One

THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

It's odd how your value system slowly changes as you grow older. Time spent with family became something to look forward to and feel grateful for, as opposed to years ago when it felt like an irritating obligation. Is it because the older I get the more human my parents become? When their hair began turning gray, did I suddenly value their company more because I finally and tangibly understood that they're growing older and are someday going to die? Or maybe I just relate to them a bit more on an eye-to-eye level now that I'm older. And things that used to mean so much have kind of lost their value a bit. Watching sports is still enjoyable but the importance of my team winning and the agony of them losing have both softened into feelings almost indistinguishable from each other. It's a saddening realization that this softening is only a pit stop on the road to indifference. It's amazing that it took until this day, in my thirty-seventh year (God, that sounds so old) to have what ... read full excerpt from Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch ebook



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