Warning: Names have been changed to protect the brokenhearted.

Someone you know is stuck in a dead-end relationship. Perhaps that someone is you. Have you been read your rights?

In this hilarious and helpful handbook, best-selling author Ian Kerner introduces us to the DSI team, a top-secret unit within the FBI (that's the Federal Bureau of Intimacy) whose sole mission is to investigate dating dilemmas and equip you with the skills you need so you're never again a dating victim.

Through humorous and engaging case studies, you'll read about boyfriends who might be gay, gamers who won't step up to the plate, and wimps who won't go down for the count. You'll meet Dating DUPEs (Desperately Under Pressure to Evaluate) and their antagonistic ARSEs (Anti-Relationship Suspect Examinees). You'll gain unprecedented access to previously classified relationship rap sheets: detailed reports that reveal interpersonal infractions, mating misdemeanors, and flirtatious felonies. You'll boldly go where no civilian has gone before as we apply the latest forensic tools to decipher complex dating data: From testing for SPARK (Sexual Potential and Romantic Kinship), to consulting with undercover agents in the MBU (Missing Boyfriends Unit), Kerner ventures above the law and beneath the covers.

You have the right NOT to remain silent!