Howl
A Collection of the Best Contemporary Dog Wit
Here’s the Beef
[Bonnie Thomas Abbott]
“Boys and girls, Howls N’ Growls proudly presents, direct from a sold- out month at Hollywood’s Rin-Tin-Tin-Pan Alley, put your paws together and give a real Chagrin Falls welcome to . . . Gracie!” [wild woofing]
Thank you. Thank you. [wild barks and woofing continues] Wow! [yips] OK, OK. Down, boys and girls. Sit. Siiiiiiit.
How about those Browns? [rhythmic woofing] It sure is cold here in Cleveland. Any of you have electric blankets at home? [yelps] Man, I love that thing. You just melt into the coverlet. Good-bye stiff hips! And under the covers . . . that’s even better than sex. Well, almost better. But how would I know? Thanks a lot, Mom! [yelps from the females in the crowd] Hey, do you ever leak a little gas in bed and next thing you know, Mom is waving her magazine around, “Jeeze, Gracie.” Just when I drop off to sleep again, “For crying out loud, Gracie!” Now Mom’s waving the magazine around so hard, the dust bunnies are diving under the bed [ripple of howls] and those scratch ...
read full excerpt from: Howl ebook
