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Home > Humor > Parodies > Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition
Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition
by Borowitz, Andy
 
 
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Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition
They threw the book at Madoff. Now here's the book he needs.

While many books are offered for the CEO who aims to survive the cutthroat competition of the corporate jungle, not a single one offers to help those same CEOs when the law catches up with them. That is, until now.

This book offers valuable advice for those executives who have cooked the books, and now find themselves paying the price. Borowitz covers all aspects of prison life, from exit strategies (prison-break tips) to ways of keeping the business acumen sharp (how to make the Warden your most valuable employee) to prison cell feng shui and even self-defense (how to use this book as a deadly weapon). Convicted corporate executives should look at this time spent in prison as an opportunity, rather than a disadvantage. New business contacts can be established, new management strategies tested-time can even be spent working on the golf game so it says sharp for ten, twenty, however many years.Direct from Bernie Madoff's cellmate, Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison is loaded with helpful tips, including:

  • Complete Corporate-Speak/Prison Slang Glossary
  • How to earn $$$ making vanity license plates
  • Trophy wives, and how to avoid becoming one
  • How to avoid getting back-stabbed literally
  • Don't forget, Who Moved My Soap? will be both small enough to fit in the pocket of your prison uniform, but also thick enough to hollow out and hide cigarettes in!

    Who Moved My Soap? is a must read for any white collar criminal. CEOs headed to the Big House will now have something to read to help them pass the time. It's also a must read for those of us who were fleeced by them.



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    Title of ebook: Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition
    ISBN: 9781439129739
    parent-ISBN: 9780743251426
    Publisher: Simon & Schuster
    Published: 08-2009
    Released online for download: 08-25-2009
    Author of eBook: Borowitz, Andy

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    Who Moved My Soap?

    The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison

    Excerpt

    Chapter One:
    Put Your Hands in the Air and Step Away from the Desk

    If you're a convicted CEO who's heading to prison for the first time, let me just say this: You should be totally stoked. A trip to the slammer could be the best career move you ever made, and after a few weeks behind bars, you'll be kicking yourself for not getting convicted sooner.

    Surprised? I thought you might be. You've probably bought into the conventional wisdom that a prison sentence is some kind of "punishment," a fate to be avoided at all costs. Well, you won't see me slicing that brand of baloney. If you follow the simple advice in this book, you'll discover what successful CEO convicts everywhere already know: If time is money, then hard time is hard cash.

    Are you drinking the Kool-Aid yet? If not, perhaps a few facts will change your mind:

    Thanks to the rising tide of corporate scandals, former CEOs are pouring into America's penitentiaries in record numbers, the biggest migration of white-collar criminals into the penal system since the fall of the Nixon administration ... read full excerpt from: Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition ebook



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