Why Not?

Serve My Kidneys With
a Good Lambrusco?

June 2001

I can't decide what to wear. Should I go for fat, black, baggy jumper or fat, blue, baggy jumper? At least the bottom half is easy: a pair of jeans that look like two tents sewn together and topped with more elastic than a support bandage.

I used to be attractive. Not Jennifer Aniston -- drop down on my knees and thank God for my genes -- gorgeous, but pleasant, passable and after a good scrub up, attractive. I guess I still am -- if you're one of those guys with a fat fetish.

So I've decided that God is definitely a man. If She were a woman this whole pregnancy thing would be far more efficient. We'd be able to unzip our bump and put it in the oven while we were washing windows or doing a trolley dash round Sainsbury's.

I've just realised t ... read full excerpt from Why Not? ebook