Why Moms Are Weird

From Why Moms Are Weird

To Whom It May Concern . . .

I thought I should write this just in case I ever accidentally kill my mother on purpose.

Charles Whitman did this, before he climbed the tower at the University of Texas in Austin and shot all of those people. He wrote a letter, to whoever found it after his death, because he had a feeling he was about to kill his mother and then a whole bunch of other people for good measure.

I'm not as positive as Whitman was. In fact, I think he ended his letter with "P.S.: By the way, I'm pretty sure there's a gigantic tumor pressing against my brain." (Which there was.)

I wanted to write all of this down just in case somehow something horrible happens to my mother. This is for if the coroner says, "It looks like she fell down the stairs. Three times." If the cops all look at each other with stern concern because they know this was a case of accidental matricide (a second- or third-degree offense, I'm sure), this will be something tangible in my defense.

And no, this isn't a confirmation of premeditation. This is anti-premeditation. A preretra ... read full excerpt from Why Moms Are Weird ebook