Chapter One

1

ABSOLUTE BALDERDASH


"A wanghee? What the hell is a wanghee?"

It was Christmas Day, and I had left my friends in the pub in order to play Balderdash with my eleven-year-old neighbour and his family. Balderdash is like a board game version of Call My Bluff, and it's a favourite Yuletide game for my neighbours, the Ellis family. The player acting as quizmaster reads out a question, and the individual players make up plausible answers. The quizmaster selects up to six answers to read out, including the real one. Your aim is to make your fabrication so believable that your opponents select it instead of the real one.

As the game progressed, many of the family members fell by the wayside. Lewis, the eleven-year-old, and his brother, Danny, remained strong competitors, but their mum and grandparents struggled with the ever-increasing pace of the game. You could tell that Linda, Lewis' grandmother, was the most in need of help-her countless shrugs and blank stares were a dead giveaway. Each of her responses was either an unwitting "Oh, the second one" or "I don't know. I'll go for the same as Lisa." These answers always prompted an ardent outcry from Lewis, who was starting to become frustrated at his nan's inability to follow the play. She was sound in mind, but when it really counted-playing board games-she clearly lacked the relevant criteria required for victory.

Lewis was in total charge. He was the youngest player in the game and wanted to win it fairly, and I respected him for his integrity. He was also the most competitive, and as he was just a mere point from victory, he obviously didn't need any favours. I, on the