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In the end

In the end I did head back there.

I didn't have Nurse Beatrix sign me out. She wouldn't even let me tackle the short, easy paths leading from the Speyerer Hof Clinic to the big Ehrenfriedhof Cemetery and the Bierhelder Hof, let alone the long steep path that leads up to the Kohlhof. In vain I told her how years ago my wife and I used to go skiing on the Kohlhof: in the morning we'd head up the slope, the bus filled with people, skis, ski poles, and toboggans. Until sundown hundreds would swarm over the rutted slope, more brown than white, with its dilapidated ski jump. At lunchtime pea soup was served at the Kohlhof Restaurant. Klara had better skis than I, was a better skier, and laughed whenever I fell. I would tug at the leather straps of the bindings and grit my teeth; Amundsen had conquered the South Pole with skis that were even more antiquated. In the evening we were tired and happy.

"Let me head over to the Kohlhof, Nurse Beatrix. I'll take it easy. I want to see it again and remember old times."

"You're doing a good enough job remembering right here, Herr Self. Would you be telling me about it otherwise?"

The only thing Nurse Beatrix will allow me to do after a two-week stay at the Speyerer Hof Clinic is to walk a few steps to the elevator, ride down to the lobby, walk a few steps to the terrace, cross it, and go down some stairs to the lawn around the fountain. Nurse Beatrix is generous only when it comes to the view.

"Look at that! What a beautiful view!"

She's right. I'm sharing a room with a tax inspector who's suffering from a stomach ailment, and the view from the window is indeed panoramic and beautiful: o...