Wrap & Roll and the Disappearance of Nikki’s Keys

Nikki’s keys were gone.

Just gone.

“I don’t understand,” I said emphatically. “You had them yesterday.”

“I’m aware of that,” she replied. “But somewhere in between being drunk yesterday and sober today, my keys vanished.”

“And you’re going to make me help you look for them, I suppose.”

“No, you’re going to gladly help me look for them because you’re my friend and you also owe me forty dollars,” she said.

Let me explain right now that Nikki does not do things in a small way, she never has. Take a simple thing like losing your keys. The last time she lost them, not only couldn’t she drive anywhere, but she had also locked every door in the car for the first time in her life. This created a problem because she had left her roommate’s dry cleaning in the trunk. And that created a problem because the dry cleaning consisted of every military uniform that he possessed. And that created another problem because he needed to be at the airport in two hours, since he was flying out on an Army mission overseas. And that created yet another problem, because he couldn’t show up in civilian clothes at the Army place because he said they would immediately shoot him in the head or give him a dishonorable discharge, because the Army doesn’t fire people, they just kill them or ruin their lives forever. And we still had yet another problem on our hands, and that was that Nikki was the only ride he had to the airport.

So, because Nikki lost her keys, someone was either going to die or spend the re...