THERE’S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT—YOU’RE NOT LOSING A SON AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GAINING A RIVAL.
For a mother who’s accustomed to having been number one in her son’s life, the arrival of a girlfriend, fiancÉe, or wife can be a complicated, confusing, and emotionally challenging event. Likewise, coexisting harmoniously with the mother of her partner can be an overwhelming challenge for any woman. Sons, often caught in the middle, are sometimes understandably reluctant to take sides.
In It’s Either Her or Me, relationship expert Ellie Slott Fisher examines the complex dynamics of these potentially fraught relationships and how they can be made rich in rewards for all parties. As a wife and the mother of a grown son, Fisher has been on both ends of the spectrum. She recounts her own experiences and those of the mothers, sons, girlfriends, fiancÉes, wives, and even sisters she interviewed. With the help of psychologist Dr. Beatrice Lazaroff and licensed professional counselor Esther Ganz, Fisher offers practical solutions to help women on both sides cope—and thrive—in this most sensitive of relationships. Discover how to
• gauge when it’s time to voice an opinion—and when it’s best to bite your tongue
• reach out to the woman in your son’s life without being overbearing
• handle the partner or mother-in-law who’s truly impossible
• show respect to your partner’s mother
• ensure that your partner’s mother respects your boundaries
• deal with jealous sisters and other difficult family members
• and much more
Also including welcome advice on what he can discuss with either woman, It’s Either Her or Me is an invaluable resource for women and the men they love.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
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|Title of Family & Relationships eBook: It's Either Her or Me|
|Release Date: 03-23-2010|
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It's Either Her or Me
Moms and GirlfriendsVie for First
For most moms, it comes about quite unexpectedly. All of a sudden the little boy who refused to part with his well-worn Toy Story pajamas, despite the fact that Buzz Lightyear’s face had faded to obscurity, is wearing aftershave. And he doesn’t even shave. That child who shrieked “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” when you returned home from work now grunts “Uh- huh” and “Nah” in response to your questions. Yet you overhear him speaking animatedly and loquaciously to someone on his cell phone.
This new, redesigned little boy has moments of unexplained extreme pleasantness, offering to take out the trash before you even ask. (Don’t get too excited; these moments are fleeting.) You attribute these changes to his entering puberty with its typical hormonal shifts and turns. While this certainly is true, what’s also happening is that your son has embarked on a journey to find a new—and different—love of his life.
Oh sure, you’ll still get the requests for money (you may actually recall with fondness his five-dollar allowance) or for help, but that pedestal you’ve been on for the past fourteen years or so is starting to crack. Now that your son has discovered girls—not just in a stealing-their-lunch-on-the-school-bus way, but as potential intimates— your relationship with him will change.
Meanwhile, as the girlfriend, you hadn’t considered how his mother could affect your relationship. You’ve fallen for a guy who may act one way when he’s with you, and another way—not all that pleasingly— when he is with his mom. You’ll find yo...