Chapter One

Chapter One


Your Healthy Self
The Basics

You’ve got to love your husband. He has sex, he has an orgasm, ejaculates, and nine months later calls himself Dad. You have sex, probably without an orgasm; for the next thirty minutes you lie propped up on a pillow with your legs in the air, hoping his sperm will make its way up the cervical canal and meet up with your egg; and then you wait anxiously until you can take a pregnancy test to find out whether in nine months you’ll be able to call yourself Mom. Of course, all of this assumes you had planned to get pregnant, which doesn’t take into account the percentage of pregnancies, however welcome they may be, that are unplanned. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg, right? You spend the next few months nauseated, vomiting, and eating saltines. All the while, he takes clients to four-star restaurants and eats four-course meals. While your body contorts into different shapes, his body stays exactly the same. Maybe he gains a few extra pity pounds–but for the most part, you’re on your own.

Over the months that follow, you complain–a lot. He comforts you while flicking the TiVo controller. You burp, fart, and have heartburn that could light your house on fire. He smiles, rubs your feet, tells you what a great job you’re doing.

When you get to bed, you can’t sleep; he sleeps like a baby. Your mind is racing: Will I be a good parent? What will our lives be like? How will I cope? Maybe you even wake him out of his sound sleep with your questions. “Piece of cake,” he tells you, and falls fast asleep again.You gaze down at your enormous belly, your a