Chapter One

CHAPTER I


WORK


(In case you's wondering, this ain't Chapter 1. This here's your Roman numerals, which was thought up by them ancient Romanians. Everybody knows these guys was deep-even if they pranced around in bedsheets on account of nobody invented clothes yet.)


Now unless you wanna spend your golden years like your grandma-living in a Pontiac in the scrap yard-decent trash knows they gotta earn so you always got money for cigs and meat. But a lot of people has a hard time figuring out what's the best career option: work, welfare, workers' comp, or crime?

Most folks go straight to welfare or workers' comp, seeing as how jobs and crime can rarely compete with laying on the couch all day watching cable. You don't wanna be stuck cleaning bathrooms or casing out a laundromat if some fat lady's gonna take off her shirt on Jerry Springer today, am I right?

But unless you got a job at Wal-Mart, working generally pays better than welfare, which means you got more jack to buy them fineries in life, like Hamburger Helper and propane. And the fact is, some jobs ain't all bad.


How to Tell If Your Job Sucks


In its recent scientifical report entitled Jobs That Don't Suck, the U.S. Department of Commerce discovered there were at least thirteen in America.

So how do you know if you got one of 'em? Just answer yes or no to the following questions. Your job's suckage rating got figured at the bottom.

1. Does your job got free coffee that ain't that limp-wristed kind guys with berets and sandals drink?

2. Can you ash on the floor and set fire to stuff if nobody's using it?

3. Do you get time off on major ho