Chapter One

1
Where Did Our Confidence Go?
At one time, I was perhaps one of the most sexually confident women on the planet. I loved my body. I was willing to share it freely. I enjoyed sex.
What changed? I got married. And it took me longer than a decade (along with months of counseling) to return to the place where I loved my body, shared it freely, and enjoyed sex once again.
Some of you know what I'm talking about. As single women, sex was often a game that we liked to play, and some of us were very skilled at it. I've got it. You want it. But the price of admission into my private playground is a big dose of attention and affection. Make me feel really good about myself, and I'll make you feel really good in exchange. But now that we're sleeping next to the same man night after night, month after month, year after year, the challenge has worn off. The payoff is no longer clear. Hubby isn't wooing and pursuing us like he used to, so our motivation wanes. Sex feels more like an obligation than a mutual thrill.
And maybe that mental list of previous sexual partners has begun to haunt you. You calculate all of the sexual favors you paid out in hopes of earning emotional interest, but now you feel sexually bankrupt. How could I have just given my body away like that? And how could my husband possibly love me and want to be with me after all I've done? you may wonder.
Or perhaps you weren't skilled at all when you came into marriage. You assumed your husband was going to teach you everything you needed to know about sex, or that you'd figure it out together. Now that he's so masterfully taught you that the round peg goes in the round hole for approximately 2.8 minutes, you're lef