Motherhood changes you. How’s that for a bait and switch? But as much as I may be loathe to admit it when trying to stake out a fitting identity for myself and all us moms, having children shapes us in ways nothing else ever could. If the exhaustion, sickness, bulging belly, and peeing-while-sneezing of pregnancy or the anxiety- ridden, pressure-filled, stomach-tightening process of adoption doesn’t key you in to this, simply driving for the first time with your child in the car will prove it. As soon as you become a mom, you’re a changed woman.


My friend Carla Barnhill, who wrote one of the best books on motherhood ever, The Myth of the Perfect Mother, told me that when she became a mom, suddenly everyone else on the road became a maniac driver, fully devoted to ramming into her car. Of course, when she told me this, I was years away from having a child of my own, so I thought she was a complete psycho.


New Mom or Psycho?

I continued to think Carla was a psycho right up until the night my husband and I drove our precious new son, Henrik, home from the hospital. I did fine all the way through two towns before we got to ours. What a wuss, that Carla! I thought. Then I had my husband stop at the friendly neighborhood grocery/drug store so he could run in and pick up some things to make my stitched-together nether regions feel better. And that’s when I realized that I, too, was now a thorough going psycho.


As soon as Rafi disappeared from view, I noticed he hadn’t locked the driver-side door. And the keys were in the ignition. As I waited in the backseat with my new baby, panic struck. The people leaving the store, who just the week before would’v...