GOD, I FEEL INSPIRED.

I woke up with the dawn this morning. At least, I thought it was the dawn. I've just bought one of those superintelligent artificial-daylight alarm clocks that wake you up exactly like a natural sunrise. Much better than being woken by a horrible unnatural alarm clock. It does all kinds of clever things with your metabolism, and your brain chemistry, and something called your Arcadian rhythms, and you jump out of bed feeling all calm, and well rested, and ready to face the day ahead.

I must have read the instructions wrong, though. The stupid thing started glowing radioactively at eighteen minutes past two, which only made me feel furious, and sleep deprived, and ready for absolutely nothing. I couldn't make the horrible orange light fade back down again, so eventually I staggered into the bathroom, dumped it in the bathtub, and covered it with two large bath sheets. I think I must have gone back to sleep somewhere around half past three.

When I woke up again—just now—nice, proper, natural daylight has started streaming through the blinds. I do a couple of energizing yoga-type stretches, which ought to sort out my metabolism and my Arcadian rhythms very nicely, then I head into the kitchen to make my first strong black coffee of the day.

Now that I'm going to be a Top International Fashion Designer, strong black coffee is probably going to form the cornerstone of my diet. It's very important to start as I mean to go on.

It's quite difficult to actually enjoy strong black coffee, though. I did try to get into it once before, when I was going to be a bestselling Novelist, but all I ever ended up doing was drinking lovely yummy mochaccinos instead. Bu