It is a truth universally acknowledged that an author as popular as Jane Austen should be imitated, expanded upon, and parodied. Now, in the tradition of the Bulwer Lytton Contest and the Bad Hemingway and Bad Faulkner contests comes a new collection of hilarious efforts to write the worst opening paragraph of the novel Jane Austen never wrote. Using entries from badausten website, this collection presents the best of the worst entries for the first paragraph of Austen's unwritten classics. From "Star Wars" meets Elizabeth Bennett to "Northanger Abbey" translated into a setting for cats and dogs, here are the stories Jane Austen would never have written.