Men, you never know what's going to show up at the door when you place an ad on an online "dating" site. But what to do if your date turns out to be a crab? If life serves you crabs, make gumbo. It's a bit raunchy and as always the language is raw and to the point. Excerpt: “Why don’t you take off your doo rag? I want the full effect of you. As it stands now, you are all scarf, and dark eyes. Where is your neck?” “Crabs don’t have necks.” “But still, baby, I want to caress your hair.” “My sea anemones have not been combed. Besides, I love my doo rag. It gives me character. Now can we just get down to business? I don’t have all day. Good toilet water,” he said munching on the turd. “Ok, Character, spread your legs. I don’t want to get pinched.” Three thrusts of my throat and the doo rag shuddered, sighed and began reaching for his drawers. “Is that it?” I asked. “I got mine. You should have jacked faster if you wanted to come at the same time with me.”